How Therapy Changed my Life

I'm a firm believer that therapy won't help the person unless they are willing to actually help themselves. Some people deny the fact that they need therapy and seek help when it's too late. That would be me. I had a very rough childhood and throughout my life I was told that I'm "not normal" or "have no emotions", but what my family lacked to understand that I actually suffered from very deep and serious mental health issues that could've been solved if I started therapy at a young age.

Fast forward to college, I was a happy girl. Had friends, cousins, classmates and an amazing boyfriend. I loved and hated my life. I didn't know how to explain it. I had anger inside of me, I had hate that I couldn't explain, mood swings that would drain me and drain the people around me. I noticed the older I got, the more I pushed people out of my life. My boyfriend at the time was the only person I've loved more than myself. I loved him more than I loved my own family, but I also pushed him away. I loved him so much that I would let out all my anger out on him, I'd let all my hate and anxiety, depression, mood swings...all on him. I'm not gonna lie, he tried to help me. He did mention to me that I have some issues and need to seek help. It made me crazier. I felt like he hates me, or wants to find someone better than me. I turned evil. I couldn't handle or accept anyone making me feel wrong, even though I felt like I did need help.

My issues kept getting worse and worse until one day I lost everything. I lost my family, my friends, and the love of my life all in one day. If I'm being honest, I didn't care about anyone but my boyfriend. I couldn't believe that I would actually lose him, until I did. That's when I finally decided to seek help. My therapy journey started in 2021 and it completely changed me. It was so hard at first for me to feel a difference or even acknowledge what my doctor is telling me. It took me almost 6 month to actually notice a change. My life changed completely. The way I think, the way I act, my daily routine, my interaction with people, my interaction with god, my perspective on life... it all changed.

What didn't change is the pain. What I didn't realize is that even though I worked on myself for myself and for the people I loved, it was truly too late. I do blame myself for not listening to the ones that loved me and tried to help me. I do wish I showed the man I loved weakness and let him help me. I do wish that I let my family and friends know that I am truly not happy.

What I learned is that no one can force anyone to heal or get better. But what I wish you guys learn from me is that we work on ourselves for the ones we love, but the ones we love won't stick around that long. We aren't all lucky to have second or third chances in life. Some of us barely get one chance. Try to accept your weakness and let your loved ones help you. Nothing wrong with seeking help and needing someone by your side. I had to do it all alone and it pained me more and more everyday.

A year later I can say that I'm a very healthy female. I wake up thankful, I have my breakfast, take my meds, go to the gym, hangout with friends, read a book, and go to bed. What therapy can't help you achieve is the pain and emptiness left in your heart. When you lose your loved ones, or the person you changed the most for, the pain doesn't fade. It does get easier to live with, or ignore at certain times of the day, but you sleep everyday telling yourself "what if"...

Life is so simple. Accept your issues, deal with them, seek help, and DO NOT let go of the person who loves you.

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